My mind is full of taboo and I want to share it with you. My childhood was calm. Growing up never really gave me too many challenges. As a result not too much was heaped upon me. As a result I never learned to challenge myself. My young mind discovered that as long and I waited good things would come to me. I knew as long as I stay out of trouble, and tried to be a good person, happiness will come my way. I knew that this is a flawed way of thinking, but still I acted out the role. I hated it no one would ever truly challenge me, ever needing to speak my mind. No one ever telling me to do the difficult thing. Barley anyone ever forcing me to go against my will. As a result I became afraid of challenge itself. That’s why I was so attracted to Art. Art is the only medium where I could consistently challenge myself and enjoy doing so . And no one ever had to tell me to do it. Art was something that I did on my own. Trying to make each and every drawing that I do look better than the last one. Getting praised for my teachers and friends of how good it looked. It was the driving force that kept me going. It is the driving force that still keeps me going. Even when I want to stop I keep feeling this desire the challenge myself. And I can’t get away from it, it keeps calling me back , it keeps resurfacing in me. Another reason I found out I do art was not just because the praises but because for the first time I could show my wants and desires to people. And the things I showed them was a something in my house household that was considered taboo, but I loved the thought of it so much. SEX.
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